Fort Collins (Colorado, USA) | Emerging Reflections - 10 Mar, 2023

As the weather improves, I enjoy walking around Fort Collins. In particular, I enjoy walking to places that, before I left last June, I only visited with the help of my truck. In addition, I love how many of the sidewalks in this city are offset from the streets. This makes it much more enjoyable for pedestrians like myself.

While reading my posts and reflecting on my experiences, my reflections occasionally lead me down an unanticipated road. They take me to a place that is not associated with my posts. While in Baja, this happened a couple different times and helped me surface awareness around my childhood. Over the past several days, for the first time, my thoughts have drifted to the career I left behind about 9 months ago. I am intrigued by this and thought I would share how this works for me.

When I left my employment last May, I was working as the manager of conservation programs for Ducks Unlimited. I worked with a talented team of biologists and engineers as I oversaw two multi-million dollar programs focused on restoring and protecting wetlands in Colorado and Wyoming. It was a job I enjoyed very much, and it paid very well. After leaving, I told myself I would not think about a new job or career for at least 6 months when I left. I always understood this to mean that I would not pressure myself to find another job within that minimum timeframe. I have stayed true to this. Apart from collecting a few ideas and planting them in the back of my mind, I have stayed clear of in-depth conversations about my career and future employment. I have simply let ideas simmer.

Sometimes the path we follow is not as straight or as clear as we thought it would be. Like the path on the green space in Fort Collins, life reveals itself moment by moment.

This week I realized something new. Within this same period, I have never second-guessed my decision to leave my employment or career. This is rather intriguing. As I reflect on this more, I notice that I miss nothing about my previous job. Does this feeling affirm I made the right decision? When I get curious and explore this question, I notice there's more that needs to surface. 

While traveling, I have slowed down my pace of life. In doing so, I have become more in tune with the music below the surface of the words I hear in conversations with others. This music frequently echoes the words a person is afraid to say. When I listen to the beat, it gives me insight into what that person is really feeling. It is another benefit that I have gifted myself with by allowing myself time. This approach also works for me in other ways. As I have cultivated this habit with others, I noticed this habit also enables me to become curious about what I say or feel. It is the reason why I am not content with what is on my surface and frequently explore the motives behind my reactions and feelings.

As I dive deeper into the question, "Does this affirm I made the right decision?" I realize that over the last 9 months, I have seldom discussed or pondered the work I did before leaving for a life of travel. Why not? Was the work not important and meaningful? What factors may be contributing to this feeling? Several other questions also have piqued my interest. Isn't curiosity a wonderful thing? This is how reflection works for me. This process allows me to move beyond simply acting or reacting. I allow myself space to surface awareness about decisions, actions, and feelings I have or make.

I have come to enjoy my time at coffee shops these days. I know my time in these shops is growing short, and I will soon be leaving to immerse myself in new adventures.

I notice several interesting things as I continue to dig below the surface. I have no desire for additional closure on leaving my career. I know the programs I ran were left in capable hands. I did everything in my power to help the transition. The rest is up to them. When I started my career in wildlife management, I remember telling myself wildlife management was not going to be my sole career. Now, one could say I overlooked this nugget for many years and missed an opportunity to develop a transition to a second career earlier. Alternatively, I could say I let important things slip by, and life happened unintentionally. However, what resonates with me most is that I wasn't ready. My decisions were consistent with the experiences I needed to have before I could transition. Whether those decisions were conscious or unconscious is inconsequential. I needed to experience these things. Consequently, there was no room for a transition at that time. However, when 2020 presented itself, I seized the opportunity.

That's when I began to deconstruct my box. The box represents how I lived at the time. I broke down the box into its essential pieces. My career was important. I always prioritized it over other aspects. My box was built by acting on what felt right then. After breaking down my box into its essential pieces, I evaluated every piece. Examined them from every angle. Did the piece still resonate with me? If not, why? If so, how? As you can imagine, this took many months.

After deconstruction, I picked up the piece representing my career. Several other things were attached to it, security, job, a house, self, etc. As I explored it from every angle, something interesting happened. I found it didn't resonate with me as it once did. Then I began exploring the idea of letting that piece go. Do I still need this piece? What I found surprised me. I didn't. More importantly, I found that I could build a box without it. So I started to envision new opportunities. Many of those were not previously available to me when I used that piece. That's how I began reframing my box.

Nine months later, where am I? I feel I am at a place where I still do not need this piece. This is why this surfaced this week. Does this affirm I made the right decision? After reflecting on this over the last few days, I realize this affirmation is unimportant. Leaving that piece out of my box is neither right nor wrong. It is simply something I chose to do. Nothing more and nothing less. The important piece is that I listened to myself. This is all that matters.

Boxes are nothing more than attachments or anchor points. Once I realize that I no longer needed the pieces, I soon discovered I didn’t even need a box. Without a box I am free to be whatever I choose to be at the moment. That could be a hobo or a world traveler. It matters not. It’s the perfect way to be for someone like myself who is flexible and loves to experience new things. The simple reason my job and career have not crossed my mind is I am not yet ready to explore it. Which tells me I have some exciting things planned for me to discover.